To my little angel.

For the last few days there has been extensive coverage on the death and funeral of George. H.W. Bush, the 41^st president who died on November 30^th 2018. He was not only 41st President of USA but also loving and caring family man. In all those tributes what caught my attention is his never-ending love to his 3 year old daughter who died of Leukemia 65 years ago. Seems the Sr. Bush couple always remember her and cherished those 3 years they spent caring for their daughter. And after 5 kids and many grand kids/ great grand kids they still felt her space cannot be replaced. This gives an example every child has an unique place in their parent’s heart.

My first baby did not make it beyond 20 weeks and passed away prematurely. This happened 5 years back and after that I had two successful pregnancies that ended up with two beautiful kids. They make me cry, chuckle and be grateful. But somewhere deep in my heart I always cry for that little one who did not make in to this world. I always wonder how the baby might have looked, what the type of qualities or tastes he she might have.  I did not get a chance to hold that baby nor to look , but my heart automatically makes me remember the little one during the kids birthdays, celebrations or milestones. And it is hard to move away when that person is nourished by you. 

Pregnancy loss is often not discussed much. But I realized many people go through it but silently suffer. Its only after my loss people approached me and started talking openly about their cases. Most of those incidents happened 5 or 10 or 15 years before but they still wept for those lost babies. It took immense strength for me to face the world immediately after my loss and somewhere hidden these stories helped me survive those longer days. I hoped for light at the end and when people shared their story it comforted and gave assurance. One thing noticed,I was comforted by the strangers most of the time. Be it an OR recovery room nurse, or a colleague who never spoke about her personal life or a person met while waiting in the hall way at hospital. They all listened to my story, comforted and shared their life story. And as I said all those people have only one common thing. They remember the loss and weep for those babies everyday. Because the reason is simple and clear. 

Though lost early , they still  are their precious ones.