Reflections...

As my alarm snoozes 3rd time at 5.40AM, I realize it’s time for me to get out of the covers and make me prep for the busy day. I will not be able to get back to my darling bed for 17 more hours. I should say 17 hours of multi-tasking various things between work, kids and home. Staying in US for 12 years with approximate 8 years of automotive career granted me few perks (machine dependency) but at the same time did not free me up from doing daily chores.(Yeah women still has to take sole responsibility of certain things at home though she is working full time, sick or simply tired). Sometimes that makes me feel I am caught up in this maze forever. At the same time people who look at me feel I am a super woman who can command others fierce fully at work, hop on to a semi-truck which looks like a beast and make it function correctly, cook three hot meals daily, make things run smoothly for home, organize fancy parties and at the same time attach machines to my body for feeding infant when doing all these stuff (Thank god I am exempted this after 10 months of doing clockwork pumping/feeding.). Wait did I even talk about volunteering activities. Sounds chaotic, right. Yes it is definitely and all of a sudden, I feel I am worthless and not completing anything efficiently. It’s because I tend to take all things on my back and make sure everyone that depend on me are awarded rightly. But then I look at my kids/husband and I have a sense of relief. No they are able to thrive because of me which makes me recognize my success. Of course work promotions will get me the same feeling and help me understand I am doing my job rightly. Then I started reflecting back and thinking how am I able to do this flawless (not 100% but definitely to a right extent).  Am I gifted or other reason? Women might have some multi-tasking capabilities in their genes by default but that is not the only one helping me out. Definitely it is something else I should have learned growing up or adapting myself to my fast pacing current lifecycle.

     Growing up in a family of working parents (especially mom) makes you learn few items unnoticed. I did not realize this until I started multi-tasking in my own work/family. I never realized how those little things I grasped looking at my “working-parents-couple” will influence me later in my life. My mom had full time job but at the same time she made sure all of our (we are two girls) needs are met appropriately, be it school related activities, new fashions, delicious meals or homemade birthday cakes. She had well organized days with things to be done on which day/time. I pretty much adapted to this way of making things work out but only difference is I use more technical type tools for getting my stuff done. During one of my conversations with her she told me how she took 1 hour trip (through bus aka public transportation) back home for lunch to breast feed her both kids. Aaah that should be more than enough or one motivation for me to continue to breastfeed and allocate time at work for pumping. If she was able to do that with limited resources why I should not be able to pump in the closed environment.

   My Dad had usually very busy days and he still realized he has to take care of few things because his wife is also working full time like him and doing equal (or more)chores. He made sure to give my mom some break and take us out to book exhibitions or parks and at the same time made my mom to be part of kid’s clothes shopping or movie dates. I believe the latter ones helped my mom as stress busters (movies will help you relieve the stress, am I right?).

   All these things made me plan well ahead and able to complete my tasks as righteous as possible. Whenever I feel I am going overboard on home related activities or putting everything on my shoulder I take a step back and promptly ask my husband to fulfill that job. After all he has to Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg will be happy to hear this term). All those trips which my Dad took me to book exhibitions made me fell in love with reading. Believe me this is my one awesome “anti-depressant” at the end of the day. They make me laugh, motivate and pumped for the next day (See the indirect relation that makes me reach my work/home targets).

   And then I started thinking about my two young beautiful kids. How are they helping out? They are the ones who taught me to stop and smell roses during a hustling bustling day. My three year old always does things at his own pace enjoying the each and every minute of his task. Looking at him made me think what happens if I run few minutes late to a party or get together instead of going behind him nagging continuously , do this fast or do this quick. Nothing, right? We might have to leave early or end up missing few events at the beginning but that’s not going to stop our life. I started planning things well spaced up so that I can enjoy the same things with him instead of completing it for the name sake. My infant always made me chuckle even if it is in the middle of my crying saga (oh those grueling breastfeeding nights when he decides not to sleep and just cling to my girls. God, I need my minimum 4 hour sleep before I start the next day and at that moment who do not want to cry). He looks at me with an adoring feeling and starts smiling. He is actually waiting for me to look at him. Who wants to miss that type of cinematic moment? Or some days he will start doing some funny sounds or putting expressions on his face which will make you forget whatever type of depressing moment you are in. I think all these instances from my kids made me redefine my happiness. What I ever do at the end of the day should make feel happy and keep them happy. I have to draw a line between work and family. Don’t bring your work to home as my mom did (This might not always work but I try to stick to it as much as possible so that I can have that quality family time). Enjoy each moment with kids and do those funny things along with them which will bump up my happiness meter.  

   Not but not least you should have a vent-o- meter or Husband at your home who can quietly listen to you and don’t judge. Because that will let you out the yucky type of feeling you inherit from this multi- tasking journey. Underlying he is helping me to relieve that out from my system and keep my mental health healthy. Being a husband he is able to tolerate that much. (I think not even a counselor can, oh my dear husband I thank for your patience!).

All in all it’s my family I have to salute who helped/helping me in learning and growing all these fancy skills that makes me flourish.