Desi Confused By....

ABCD – If you are one among the Thousands of Indians living in USA, this term is not a new one to you. American Born Confused Desi is a sarcastic term used to address the kids that are born to first generation Indian immigrants. Couple of years back my best buddy introduced me another counteractive term to address the people who use ABCD.

DCBA – Desi Confused by America.

At that time, it did not make me any sense but felt more humorous. But as I spent the next 10+ years of my life in USA, I am understanding the significance of this term and its applicability towards me. But in a slightly changed way…

DCBH – Desi Confused by Home.

Every year around December my workplace is shut down for a week to 10 days which makes everyone to plan trips or have vacations. At that time, one question I get bombarded with(from my colleagues) : Are you going home? Every time I hear that “HOME”, my brain starts playing a tricky game and confuses me more. And this home thing stings me harder on my Naturalization day where everyone around me is having a feeling in their eyes: “USA is my home”. But what about me?

What’s Home to me?

·       

       India – Country where I was born and brought up until I reached Adult hood?

Or

·        USA – Country where most of my adult hood has been spent till now.

·        India(Vijayawada) – City where I spent till my under graduation but never got a chance to live independently.

Or

·        USA(Lexington->Houston->Columbus) – Cities where I spent slowly moving away from depending on others to learning to survive independently ( PG -> working part time ->full time).

·        Vijayawada – Home(s) where I grew up clinging to my mom/dad/grand mom, sharing bond with my sister understanding and learning human relations.

Or

·        Columbus – Home where my two kids & angel are conceived and born defining a new relation to me.

·        India – Where my needs are addressed by my parents before they are even asked for (In a way treating me as their princess).

Or

·        USA – where I not only take care of myself but also attend to others (More to my kids like how was I taken care

As I my thoughts are whirl winding in my brain, I was startled by the Immigration officer voice requesting to stand up and take oath of allegiance as that is the last step before I naturalize as United States Citizen. I suddenly felt that something is being forcibly taken away from me. What is it? My birth Right of being Indian Citizen where my roots are from. 

I am still caught up in my thoughts when the officer declared us as Citizens of USA along with 20 people who are from 13 different countries. I noticed the Burmese person who is standing next to me wiping her tears of joy. I could also feel the moistness in my eyes. Only thing not clear to me, if that is caused by the new title or because of losing my old one.

My brain started comforting my heart suggesting the decision is made considering whats best for me and my family.  And a logic which makes more sense for survival, asking to think from my ABCDs(A&S). I might be preventing them from having this type of confusion later in their adult lives or not.

For now, I open my computer to learn my country’s national Anthem.

PS: I can sing “Jana Gana  Mana..” in my sleep too. (Damn my heart blows it out again….)

My desk hijacked by my team to celebrate Citizenship. :)