Special Days

By now we all know how social media has taken the grip of our life. Especially on all those “Special Days”. Do you know what I am talking about? Yes, Women’s day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or the recent hot pick Girl Child Day. I see bunch of my social media friends (as well as so called celebrities) getting to their accounts and recognizing their kid’s on this day with captions like they adore or love or treasure them. Who is not going to do with their children? Is it what this day is calling for? To treat the child as treasure on one day in the year?

Let’s talk little bit on Girl Child day. India saw lot of female foeticides in 80s to 90s. Great reason behind the current gender ratios. Females are considered or weighed in as burden because of wedding(and post wedding like deliveries etc.,) expenses and not supporting aging parents later. All these led to unlawful checks and terminations. And finally, Indian government has to step in to improve the ratios and educate citizens about gender equality. Current BJP government introduced couple of schemes that can benefit the girls in rural so that parents can start thinking them as fortune instead of burden. All these luring options are created so that girl is going to be treated equally. Is it we need some incentives to accept daughters as our children. It will not be a surprise if all these factor in to the future causing a reversal affect. We might see the numbers turning upside down in the gender ratio or people approaching to illegitimate ways to abort male fetus. Because in many cases literacy and socio-economic status are the culprits.

Growing up, we (me and my younger sis) were brought up equally. There is nothing we are asked to stop doing or prevented from because we are girls. (Only girl specific thing we are pushed in to is Girl’s School. I am sure this was done considering the factor quality and affordable education). This mindset is deeply rooted in me and even now I think the only thing that differentiates from performing certain jobs or tasks is your will power or strength (more from emotional than physical). There are no gender specific games, activities, jobs or careers. When I was around 8 or 9 and playing with my sister and other cousins, I heard my older male cousin questioning my sister on something. By the time I approached them, I heard him confronting my younger sister saying, “Don’t lie. There are already two(girls) of you and more will result if you lie”. At that age I was constantly taught at home and school lying and dishonesty are immoral things. But when he spit that statement out, I was confused and shocked. It made me think “are we the result of some BAD thing”. I don’t remember what my sister did or what are all the things that led to that conversation. Only thing that left in my brain is this portion even after 25 years. Probably my sister and cousin might have forgotten the incident and their perceptions also changed by now. 

But for me thinking on this incident in my later adult years makes me realize, it’s not his male chauvinism or other reasons that triggered his comment. He used the axiom which was commonly referenced by most (“Abbadalu aditey adapillalu pudatharu – If you lie, you will give birth to girls”) . Whatever we do or talk affect the kids and people around us. They pick up on those and start using the same words. Its like these simple things we talk or do can lead to long lasting effects.

Now if anyone dare to use this statement in front of me, I have a very good response for them. And how did I develop that.

Through my education, knowledge and confidence.

How did I gain all those?

I look back at my 30+ years of life and comprehend it has been resulted from my upbringing.

My parents always told us, “your hard work pays off and your education matters(but not because you are a girl or a boy) to succeed.” Their acts always indicated to us Parents responsibility is to guide the kids and help us in reaching a successful point but not marrying you off in to an expensive family or a settled groom.  Their actions helped me constantly focusing on my targets and build up my strengths.

And that’s not something which has to be done with only girls. Be it boy or girl they are kids. They need parents help until they graduate and start self-supporting. Both need same kind of coaching. They are not going to graduate with flying colors because Mom/Dad/Grandparents have earned or inherited millions or billions or successful. Kids have to know it’s their hard work that can help them thrive. All the learnings kids absorb or confidence they develop is needed for survival. After all life is not going to be a flat line. We need to seed in that confidence so that they get use of it in their darkest days or to help them ascend the mountain peaks. If the kid grows up to be a successful adult he or she is no longer a burden. Kid can enjoy his success while parents can have a good usage with their retirement assets. 😊

Fun Fact: One of the research shows parenting reflections on a child are observed around 35 years. Time to quiz my parents and ask is that what they expected of me. 😉